we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
