I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
