WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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