remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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