How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
