I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
