Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
