Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
