Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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