Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my poor anus
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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