Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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