she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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