Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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