I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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