You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
sarcasm needs its own font
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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