Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish you could order shots online.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
