I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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