The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
