All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
