There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
