We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My ass is underappreciated
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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