I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
