Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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