I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
