A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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