I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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