3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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