I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
