i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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