So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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