My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
