just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she peed on how many people?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Still dying that you shit outside
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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