There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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