She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
