I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
