Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
