my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
