Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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