I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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