Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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