we have officially lost it.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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