out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
