If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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