I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
