I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
