Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
