That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
