I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
