Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
