He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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