I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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